An Interview With David Jones MP For Clwyd West…..

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Interviewer: Thankyou for seeing me Mr Jones”.
David Jones, AKA, Oscar: Well OK you know, I was in two minds whether I should see you, but after my phone call to you the other day you seem to be a reasonable person, not like those others”!
Interviewer: Mm OK so where shall we begin”?
David Jones, AKA, Oscar: Well you know its all been very distressing for me, I really do think I deserve a medal, I have had to put up with being accused of writing the blog ‘Thoughts Of Oscar’ and you know, its simply untrue, I am a Christian”.
Interviewer: “So do you think you are being deliberately lied about? and why do you think that is”?
David Jones, AKA, Oscar: Well yes, their are certain people of terribly low character, not at all like me, who are determined to besmirch my good name and excellent character. It is my belief that there is a conspiracy against me, that has been contrived by Labour party activists and Guto Bebb”.
Interviewer: Mr Jones that’s a heck of an accusation, Guto Bebb and Labour party activists, that would not look at all good if you could prove it. You poor thing”.
David Jones, AKA, Oscar: Look, I say, this is all very difficult, I am a delightful chap who keeps his opinions to himself, but in my opinion Guto Bebb has always been jealous of me and my popularity, the ordinary people love me, especially my gay friends, and I Say, what, the man was a member of Plaid before jumping ship, I find that terribly suspicious, wouldn’t you”?
Interviewer: So it is your belief Mr Bebb is colluding with another in order to conspire against you?
David Jones, AKA, Oscar: Correct, look you see, oh this is so very upsetting, you know, I am such a kind sensitive soul. You must forgive me, oh Bryan pass me a tissue and some wine gums, lovely. To answer your question, have you heard of this dreadful character, Windmill”?
Interviewer: Yes”.
David Jones, AKA, Oscar: OH, well he purports to be a victim of the blog ‘Thoughts of Oscar’, he has got it into his head that I have been instrumental in the authorship of that blog, well its simply not true, all I ever did was provide information to Dylan Moore who would then write an appropriate article and get my very good friend Nigel Roberts to publish it on that blog”.
Interviewer: So on one hand you are saying you had nothing to do with that blog then on the other your saying you provided information to be published on the same, OK”.
David Jones, AKA, Oscar: What people like this Windmill character do not seem to appreciate is that I am an important person, I have a duty both as a politician and a member of the more intelligent side of society, to prevent people I do not like, from getting on, or I feel are not of good breeding. As a politician it is important to lie, its what most politicians are about and it helps keep the commoners in place, like I have said I am a very important person, I am always talking with the Whips you know. (mmmmm I love a good whip)”.
Interviewer: Can you give me an example of the type of person or business you are on about”?
David Jones, AKA, Oscar: Well yes,you Take Wilson for example, now this character is typical of the type I am referring to, he has a very successful business that he has built up from nothing, but he is from a council estate, so I did my uttermost to stop him from progressing, I used my political status to have his licence suspended, I informed VOSA that he was not operating correctly and I told the tax man he was up to no good, and you know it nearly worked and would have done, had it not been for the fact that he had actually done nothing wrong, the rotter, mmmmm”.
Interviewer: Did you ever speak face to face with Mr Windmill”?
David Jones, AKA, Oscar: Yes although I wish I had not, you see he recorded our conversation and caught me out, I had to lie you see, I had to, I am important, people like him are not, do you know he does not work? do you know he lives off his wife? do you know he has changed his name? do you know he is a paedophile and to top it all his youngest son is disabled, hmmm, disabled children are a drain on society”.
Interviewer: “Well Mr Jones there are some pretty controversial comments in that last statement, could I get some clarification”? “For example you say he is a paedophile, that is a very strong accusation, what makes you believe that”?
David Jones, AKA, Oscar: “Well you see, and I must say do not forget I am very well connected, I have friends everywhere, in North Wales Police and the Freemasons, most particularly”. “I spoke with my good friends, Chief Superintendent Simon Humphreys and Superintendent John Hanson and asked them for some background on Windmill, so they checked his PNC records and discovered he had been cautioned for starting a relationship with his wife just before her sixteenth birthday! now in my mind that makes him a paedophile”.
Interviewer: “You are aware that Mr Windmill was never charged and has never been charged for any such alleged offence”? “in addition Mr Windmill and his wife have been together twenty years and married for nearly eighteen years, and have three children”?
David Jones, AKA, Oscar: “Yes I know all that, but its not important, this man has tried to expose my lies and devilish behaviour I cannot have that, in a conversation earlier this year with Guto Bebb I promised to cause as much harm to Windmill’s family as possible, even to the extent of arranging the arrests of him and his wife, I am a man of my word, I have achieved just that”.
Interviewer: ” Just how did you manage that”?
David Jones, AKA, Oscar: “I hatched a clever plan between myself, John Hanson, Simon Humphreys, Nigel and Wendy Roberts, Dylan Moore and Ruby Williams”.
Part Two Tomorrow David Jones, AKA, Oscar’s, clever plan.